Some random thoughts:
Stop trying to suck so many books into your brain at once. Pick one, read the damn thing and THEN move on. Juggling four books at once is just exhausting.
Feeling too scattered, to unfocused, incomplete, dangly, wasteful, stuck, ready to burst.
Why is it so important to be better than anyone else ? It is tiring. It is draining. It is a useless waste of precious energy and creativity that I could be using elsewhere.
Pick up the strings and pull it together. Pull away from people that hurt your brain. Push them aside and let them go.
Tired of trying to let it go and hang on to it at the same time. I want a breakthrough, the “moment”, the epiphany of my truth. I want satisfaction.
I swear too much to be a nun but that silent convent thing sounds heavenly. No words. No noise. No chatter. But would being trapped up inside my head be any quieter ? Sometimes that is the loudest place of all.
I believe I just quit purposeless TV. I hate the drain of endless, random flicking, the time lost, the anger created by the stupid people who can’t stop buying stuffed animals even though their house explodes with cat poop. Being without purpose makes me feel bad. I could be pulling strings instead of wasting brain cells. I could be putting a stopper in the drain instead of watching opportunities get washed away. I could free up space in my brain instead of filling it with useless crap that only serves to unravel the string even further.
I don’t want to keep unravelling. I want to be woven into a lovely pattern of peace and calm. I want to stop the string analogy now.
It is exhausting being me every day. For once, I’d like it to be easy to sit in my own presence without wanting to jump out of my skin, yelling FIRE and running for the exit …