So I’m working my way forward again in my course.  Last week’s lesson was to recover a sense of integrity.  This also inlcuded the dreaded and dire directive to not skip the reading deprivation exercise.  I didn’t skip it – I just chose to reinterpret the directions and create a more individualistic approach to reading deprivation.  Mine involved pictures and reducing reading time and apparently a whole lot of justification but it worked for me.  What I found interesting about this section of the course was the delving into dreams and the realization that we have the power to influence our dreams.  The work in the morning pages is supposed to help us do that.  It is supposed to show us what our true dreams are and then to release it in to the universe for assistance.  This may sound new age and spacey but quite frankly it is a principal that I embrace.  I fully believe in the connectedness of the energy on this planet.  I embrace the idea that we have some kind of string or tie that does not necessarily bind us but certainly provides a link in the energy between all life on this planet.  Who has not walked amongst the trees and felt the power that comes from being surrounded by living things that are over 200 years old and still standing tall ?  Who has not witnessed the illuminated energy that is lightning ?  Listening to children laughing reminds us of the circle of life.  Pulling vegetables that you’ve grown yourself out of the ground is a living testimony to the energy the earth provides to body and mind.  Walking in the rain that fell on Da Vinci and Queen Elizabeth I and King Tut is an energizing thought that stimulates the imagination and wonder about our life on this planet.  All of these things become a part of our search and our dreams.  There can be the realization that we don’t need to be a lone star shining dimly in the night but that our light can shine brighter for being part of the greater universe.  I find this absolutely fascinating and somewhat reassuring.

The morning pages are also meant to help us find direction.  They are meant to slowly allow us to unfold the mysteries of our minds that even we were not aware needed solving.  I frequently find myself having “Uh-huh” moments as I have a break through of some sort.  It struck me just last night that I still wait for my husband to tire of dealing with my crazy.  I am not an easy person to live with.  For those of you supporting my blog and who know me:  I am not being critical but realistic.  I recognize that I am demanding, sometimes petulant, a tad manic and hold those around me to the same high standards I set for myself.  Who signs on for that kind of crazy and stays in it for the long haul ???  I also recognize that my good characteristics obviously balance out those that might be deemed less than desirable which is why he has not run screaming quite yet.  However, after 18 years together it still apparently sits in the back of my subconcious.  Interesting.  Not something I ever would have given thought to at this stage without this exercise but could be affecting my creative process. Uh-huh …..

The other little tid bit of happy I found the other day is that I am no longer afraid of people reading what I write.  I have accepted that I have some skills to be proud of and writing is one of them.  I have learned that it is worthwhile to ask the universe for help and not to be afraid when it shows up.  To paraphrase Forrest Gump:  ’cause right then, God showed up.  I put my dream of writing out into the universe and the very next day I ended up having the most interesting conversation with someone I had never met but who had gone to public school with a friend of mine.  The details of the conversation don’t really matter but the universe appears to have been listening all along.   I have no idea what impact that conversation may have on my life other than having a new person to learn about but it was astounding to me that the universe chose to give me a shout out so quickly.  It probably wasn’t all that quickly really but maybe I just wasn’t ready to hear the message.  Maybe the message was made all that more loud and clear because of the uniqueness of the situation.  Maybe the universe chose that particular situation because it wanted to make sure I was listening.  Well I’m listening.  I’m writing and I’m listening.  And like the great Forrest Gump also once said, “Life is like a box of chocolates.  You never know what you’re going to get”.  I hope the universe brings me vanilla fudge instead as I’m allergic to chocolate, but you get the idea.  All I have to do is ask.

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